As keynote speaker at the Sisters U-Night event on Friday in Romsey, Anita Bentata gave a punchy and passionate talk that touched on her own experiences as a young school-leaver, teen mum, and survivor of abuse.
It is particularly moving for me to hear her story, given our chequered relationship as sisters. Anita and I were very close when we were young
– allies in our difficult childhood environment where communication was unclear and disempowering as both our parents reacted to past traumatic experiences. But in our late 20s we drifted apart during a long difficult period during which our different perspectives caused us to clash repeatedly.
Strangely, our lives have mirrored each other’s in some ways: we started a new, significant relationship within weeks of each other, and parted from that partner within weeks of each other. In my case it was a temporary separation but Anita had to make a secret escape with her daughters from an abusive situation.
Fortunately she was guided to ‘Family Life’ where she was counselled through the initial trauma, and then decided to train as a psychotherapist in order to help other women change their relationship with power and healing.
Her journey took her through much sadness and anger – and frustration with institutions when she spent some seven years in the court system seeking justice. Finally she wrote a book about her experiences, The Wolf In A Suit, that described much of the pain and trouble she and her now adult daughters had grappled with.
Ironically, it was the very messages I have taught for years through The Mastery Club that lifted Anita out of the heaviness and exhaustion she was experiencing, although those messages came to her through the inspiration of the Hicks/Abraham teachings.
We had both been brought up with the principle that 'thoughts become things', but we had both become caught up in appearances in our own ways. Anita's many and very challenging life experiences had caused her to contract and be quite reactive. The encouraging and inspiring messages in the Hicks/Abraham teachings to stop reacting to life and become a deliberate creator were timely reminders that helped her to lift herself out of the depths. She realised that there was always one area where she could grow and change even if there were other aspects of her environment that she couldn’t change.
In my case, I had become derailed too: while I knew the theory, I’d lost confidence and had become so distracted by appearances that I was no longer walking my talk. I was living in reaction too, dragging my past with me and losing confidence. My Mastery Club tagline, ‘Master Yourself And You Can Master Anything’ jarred every time I wrote or spoke it because I felt like such a fraud.
It took a lovely young woman crashing into my car for things to change in my relationship with my sister. That crash broke some entrenched patterns for me. In the aftermath, Anita talked me through her unique version of EFT and as I cried, I felt the old crusty withdrawn me shatter, and a softer, less resistant me emerge.
We have been much closer since then, and I’ve become a fan of the Hicks Abraham teachings too, which demonstrate how to apply the principles I’ve always loved, but with extraordinary ease and effectiveness. It’s a little embarrassing that it’s taken me so long, but we wouldn’t have our moments of enlightenment without our periods of endarkenment, would we?
Anita’s and my greater closeness culminated in me suggesting her as keynote speaker for Friday night’s Sisters U-Night event at Romsey, and then proudly introducing her in my role as MC.
She held the group of 80+ women spellbound as she shared her story and encouraged them to recognise the limitations of the current accepted model regarding domestic violence, and to reach out for information that will most effectively enable them to help themselves and others.
For example: Don’t ignore or minimise feelings but recognise them as brilliant sources of information. Every client who was abused could recognise a moment or moments when their intuition warned them.
For example: There are 19 types of abuse, not just 9, and 34 myths about abuse. The purpose of this larger number is not to be depressing or petty; the point is that when we are able to see something clearly and give it a name, we are already on the way to transforming the situation.
For example: Much as we might want the new car, better job, slim body, house, career, partner, the reason we want them is to be happy – whatever the thing or experience we want, the prime reason is to feel good – and we can be happy/feel good right now by just making a decision to focus on what gives us pleasure. We need to prioritise and value our feelings and actions and not wait for someone else to behave a particular way. Our life, health and time is more important than staying in the mode of 'coping and hoping'.
** If this is you, it's time to get some support so you can take action to honour yourself and your feelings instead of giving away your power hoping someone else will give us that feeling of wellbeing and happiness. **
I encourage you to visit Anita's website and explore her products and services.