or – 'From Desperation to Inspiration'
Our first week in Bali was divine - sunshine, villa right on the beach, friendly people, fascinating customs, tropical landscape, delicious food… and then the diarrhoea hit. Okay, I won't go into much more detail! Suffice to say I spent the second week feeling increasingly ordinary, lacking in appetite or downright nauseous. By the last few days I was really ready to return home but even that didn't set things right. I was constantly exhausted. By midday I was usually in bed for a two or three hour deep sleep, and I seemed to only manage to achieve one or two simple tasks per day. My legs were leaden and it was an effort to just move around. By the second week I had a little more energy but was constantly bloated. No matter what I ate or didn't, I would blow up like a whale. I was feeling physically revolting, and that was making me feel depressed and negative.
Having so little energy I did the only thing I could do: I read.
Firstly I read a Dan Brown novel that my son had picked up from the Amorta Beach Cottages library in Bali. The Lost Symbol is sequel to his global blockbuster, The Da Vinci Code. It's about a famous symbologist's race through a real-world labyrinth of codes, secrets and unseen truths... and it makes reference to the ancient wisdom and practices of the Masons and Rosicrucians. I remember my mother being a member of the Rosicrucians when I was young, so I did a bit of googling and came across a reference to the Kybalion, a text from the 1940s that is readily available for free download on the internet. (There are lots of links. Eg. Wikipedia has a link to the online text in its references.)
As soon as I began to read this document, which summarises Hermetic teachings from the Alexandrian library in ancient Egypt, I realised that I'd heard about this from Bob Proctor, who refers to The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace B Wattles. I was struck by the Law of Gender. The Law of Gender states that everything is created through the activity of both masculine and feminine principles. The masculine principle is expressed through focused will, through action that drives through to a result. The feminine principle is more passive, more receptive in nature. I realised that I had been indulging my feminine side almost exclusively of late; I hadn't really taken responsibility for my goals in a focused, purposeful, action-oriented way for a while… I'd been waiting for things to come to me.
This insight unfolded an uncomfortable stream of memories of times that I had concluded I was inadequate in some way, or even a a failure, but certainly not deserving of significant success. I was facing my tendency to give up on myself and to idealise the people in my life who I perceive to be leaders, when I found myself reading some of Dr Demartini's material about language patterns and consciousness, and how these synch with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. (I've referred to this in the chapter called 'Superwoman Learns How To Create Time' in The Hidden Order, and of course you can read about it in greater depth in The Breakthrough Experience.)
The language patterns of 'I have to/need to' correlate with our lowest levels of consciousness – literally with the state of desperation – whereas 'I want to/choose to/desire to' are clearly higher, more conscious and more responsible states, and 'I love to' is the highest. Dr Demartini warned that anyone using the 'have to/need to' language is possibly even suicidal – not necessarily about to swallow pills, but possibly likely to undermine their own health through long, slow illness or financial chaos such as bankruptcy. This last point struck home with me.
I'm a pretty cheerful, enthusiastic person most of the time, but I had definitely been falling into the 'have to/need to' language pattern over the last couple of years. I've transformed my personal life and seen major transformation in my family life also, but my Mastery Club business has been teetering on the edge of financial survival for a while, so over the last two years I'd been increasingly thinking 'I have to make this work'.
I realised that those very words were why I had been so sick. I hadn't become depressed and negative because I was sick; I'd become so sick because I was depressed and negative! The undercurrent of desperation in 'I have to make this work' had undermined my immune system. As of this insight, the bloating stopped dead in its tracks and I've been feeling energised, inspired, and much more focused. So watch this space!